One of the great things about me is that I'm dangerously close to dying of melanoma.  It's true!  Anybody that's been unfortunate enough to stare at my back or chest knows that I've been blessed, nay, cursed, w/ hundreds of disgusting brown angel kisses, nay, fairy bites, otherwise known as moles.  When I'm not wearing a shirt, I look like pizza crust.  Personal dermatologists have described the various constellations on my body as "fascinating" and "cancer."  You can imagine what a burden it is to keep an eye on all these pesky shit stains.  All too often, I'm forced to call upon friends and family to explore the surface of my body like carpet-sniffing dogs searching for places they've peed.  You can imagine how embarrassing it is for all parties.  That's why I'm delighted to have just discovered the potential of internet body records.  Via digital photos I've taken with my personal camera, I will agree to keep updated records of my body surface, and those of you becoming familiar with my blog can report any curious findings or changes with my moles.  It is recommended that you take these pictures I've generously posted and make them your desktop wallpaper, thereby familiarizing yourself with all of my physical blemishes.

Remember the A,B,C and Ds of mole inspection:

A is for Asymmetry.  One half of my mole does not match the other.

B is for Border.  The edges of my moles are irregular or blurry.

C is for Color.  The color of my moles are not uniform, and may have differing shard of black or brown.

D is for Diameter.  The mole is larger than an eraser tip or nipple.